Ophelia's Mom by Nina Shandler

Author:Nina Shandler [Shandler, Nina]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-53937-3
Publisher: Harmony/Rodale
Published: 2011-10-26T00:00:00+00:00

the lure of intoxication: alcohol and drugs

I STOOD AT THE IRONING BOARD, IRONING THE WRINKLES OUT of a blouse, or maybe it was pants.

Sara walked past, stopped, turned, and said, “Mom, I don’t think it matters what parents do. Kids are going to drink and try pot.”

I put down the iron, didn’t say a word, and paid attention.

She continued, “That’s just the way it is: Kids do bad things. I know kids whose parents are completely straight and have all these strict rules about drinking and drugs. And other kids whose parents let them drink and smoke at home. They do alcohol and drugs just the same. No more. No less. Really. I’ve thought about it. Parents don’t have any control.”

What’s a mother to say?

My fourteen-year-old daughter was speaking with authority. I wanted her observations to be purely philosophical. But even I, the most naive of mothers, knew she was talking from experience.

I froze.

Sara bounced out of the room.

What’s a mother to do, if it doesn’t matter what she does?

Actually, what we do does matter. According to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, families may not be able to prevent drug and alcohol abuse entirely, but we can reduce the risk. Simply eating together has influence. Teens who eat dinner often with their parents are much less likely to smoke either cigarettes or pot: 6 percent of adolescent smokers and 12 percent of pot smokers eat dinner with their parents six or seven times a week compared to 24 percent of smokers and 35 percent of pot smokers who eat dinner with parents zero to two times a week. With drinking, the positive effect of maintaining a family ritual of eating together is less: 20 percent of adolescent drinkers eat with their parents nearly every night; 35 percent of drinkers almost never eat with their parents. A strong family bond, clear rules, and involvement help reduce temptation, but they don’t eradicate the lure of intoxication.

Shockingly, the most dangerous years for our daughters are when they’re young, really young—twelve to thirteen years old. During that time, teens report that easy access to marijuana triples from 14 percent to 50 percent. The percentage of adolescents who know a student who sells drugs also triples, from 8 percent to 22 percent. Our thirteen-year-old daughters are three times more likely than our twelve-year-olds to know another teenager who uses acid, cocaine, or heroin. At that very moment, motherly influence wanes. The percentage of teenagers who say they rely on their parents’ opinions for making important choices drops from 58 percent to 42 percent. Children most often begin using drugs at this young age.

When I’ve told mothers that the dangers of substance abuse skyrocket at age twelve, they’ve reacted in two ways: shock and relief. Mothers who believe their girls haven’t indulged in alcohol or drug use register shock, suddenly realizing that their daughters are surrounded by tempting influences. Mothers who know their daughters have experimented with alcohol and marijuana express relief. “Really? I was so worried.

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